When I was growing up, I'd look at musicians who would seemingly have everything going for them and be completely blown away at how many of them would walk away from it or somehow self-sabotage things.
Why would somebody do this?
It's the same reason a guy walks away from dating a supermodel -- the situation on the inside isn't what it appears to be on the outside.
We think we know what we want, but until we actually experience it, we can't say for sure. Being a musician, or surgeon, or pilot, or attorney, or astronaut is pretty doable -- if you're willing to do the work.
But none of these things are like we think they are when looking at them from the outside. And this is why there is such a big difference in the amount of people who say they'd like these careers as opposed to the people who actually have them.
Most people figure out something isn't a match before they get to the final destination. Some people don't, which is why they walk away. Beyond that, people change. What worked for you last week might not work for you today.
If something isn't working, you have options. Life isn't always easy, but there can be ease.
Was at a show a few months ago. It was held at a venue that I'd been to several times before, but wasn't intimately familar with.
The place was packed. I got in a line, waiting for the restroom, and waited...
After a few minutes, I realized I was actually waiting for the merch booth.
It reminded me of a story about processionary caterpillars that I first heard from Earl NIghtingale. Jean Henri Fabre, a French entomologist studying these caterpillars, once led a group of them onto the rim of a large flowerpot. When he was finished, the lead caterpillar was immediately behind the last caterpillar in the procession, forming a complete circle.
Through both habit and instinct, the ring of caterpillars circled the flowerpot for seven days and seven nights, until they died from exhaustion and starvation. Although an ample supply of food, which would have saved them, was close and plainly visible, it was outside the range of the circle.
How many people act in a similar way?
The answer is that most people act this way. Are you one of them?
Look, I'm not one to judge. Both behavior patterns and ways of thinking can easily become habit for even the most aware of us. And even if we see it happening, it can be difficult to break away, because we don't want to risk leaving the comfort of our group.
You may be in Hell, but at least you know your way around.
This is one of the reasons why kids in Austin wear cowboy hats, kids in Boston would never be seen in a cowboy hat, and certain college students think "butt chugging" is a perfectly good way to consume wine.
Just because it's easier and more comforting to go with the flow doesn't mean that it's the best way to do things. In fact, it's usually not the best way to do things.
While you may feel safer following the rules of others, it's doubtful you'll feel happier.
It's also doubtful that you'll find success that way.
Happiness, freedom, and success come when you trust your own sense of authority and make your own rules. And that can be a bitch, because not only will it upset your comfort zone, it upsets the comfort zones of other people as well.
That's a small price to pay for happniess, freedom, and success though.
So many people miss the boat because they're trying to play the same game as others. They don't trust their own instincts.
Let me give you a music business example...
Did you know Meat Loaf was signed to Motown in 1970?
That would have been a good idea for a soul artist!
But Meat Loaf isn't a "soul" artist. He's much more intense than smooth. He’s the type who cries when he sees a greeting card commercial and throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. He’s a “rock opera” singer who will jump into the audience and kick your ass if you taunt him.
His Motown album tanked.
On the other hand, his album Bat Out of Hell has sold 43,000,000 copies.
Bat Out of Hell is an intense album. It’s Meat Loaf in audio form.
In 1993, while looking back on Bat Out of Hell album, his partner on the project, John Steinman, said it was "timeless in that it didn't fit into any trend.”
And it still hasn’t been part of any trend.
“It's never been a part of what's going on,” Steinman said. “You could release that record at any time and it would be out of place."
Every person has his own version of this, yet very few have the balls to actually do it.
It's easy to "get in the wrong line." Once you're there, it can be tough to go against the masses and walk away. Acknowledge that. Then do it anyway. It's the only way you'll get what you want.
This is a guest post by Laurel Staples about breaking through the fear zone and coming out better on the other side. Laurel is a Certified Health Coach specializing in helping busy professional women lose weight, de-stress, and gain back their energy though healthy diet and lifestyle changes. Visit LifeBodyBalance.com for more information on her and what she can do for you!
This past weekend, I went out to Valley View Camp in Greenbriar, TN for a zip lining adventure. The weather was absolutely amazing for zipping through the trees and over creeks and lakes, and it would have been just a nice exhilarating day in the woods until it came time for the Quantum Leap.
The Quantum Leap is a 55 foot tree trunk (with all the branches cut off) with a small 6x8" platform at the top.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to climb to the top, stand up on the platform and use the stick they give you to jump off the platform and ring the bell swinging from the trees. (Of course, you're completely roped in, but I can't say that takes the fear out of it.)
I was determined to do it, despite the fact that 3 out of 6 of my group members got too freaked out to make it to the top and had to be lowered back down.
It got me thinking, if I can do this, I can do anything...AND YOU CAN TOO!
But it wasn't easy...and that's the tricky part about most things in life that are actually worth doing...they're not always a walk in the park.
The moment before I try anything new in my life, there's always the fear of the unknown surrounding it. This cloud of fear can be denser at certain times than others.
When I quit my high-paying engineering job years ago to start my own business, I was literally shaking when I walked to my boss' office to turn in my resignation. My brain was charting out one compelling argument after another to keep me in the safety zone...
What if my new business fails?
What if I can't get another job?
What if I'm making a mistake?
But, as you know, fears will not only arise during big life transitions, but they'll also crop up for situations as small as trying a new food, learning a new skill or even driving to a new destination.
I remember when I first tried Brussels sprouts that alarms were going off in my brain telling me I was treading new and fearful territory. Or when I drove from Nashville to Denver by myself and was scared I would get lost (who gets lost on Interstate 70 going through Kansas??). Fortunately, both of those situations turn out well, but at the time, I didn't know what the outcome would be.
Over the years, I've noticed that no matter what new situation I face, fear is always there. It might have a different voice each time, but it's just the same old fear trying to protect me from unforeseen dangers.
I've learned to accept that fear is no longer a road block in my life, but it's a companion in this journey. The key is to know how to recognize it, understand it and make the leap beyond it towards the life that's awaiting you on the other side.
When fears crop up for you-whether it's with food, career, relationships, transitions, or anything else-use the following questions to analyze the fear and move forward.
1. Ask yourself: What is the worst case scenario?
I like to ask this question to my clients a lot. When you're adopting a new healthier lifestyle and trying new foods, what is the worst case scenario?
If you try kale a few times and you don't like it, what's the absolute worst that can happen? If you take a Zumba class and it didn't jive with your personality, so what? If you burn the dish you're cooking or your partner doesn't like your new quinoa recipe, what is the long-term negative impact?
When you're faced with a fear, ask yourself what's the worst case scenario and think about it for approximately 30 seconds. Then, if you're willing to take the risk (big or small), make the decision to move forward and do it. Typically, the worst case scenario doesn't play out in real life very often anyway.
2. Ask yourself: Will moving past this fear make me a better person?
The purpose of your life is to grow, expand, learn and be happy while doing it. Fear is programmed into us to keep us safe from getting attacked by a sabertooth tiger (or other life-threatening scenario), but it's not suppose to prevent us from fully expressing ourselves and our gifts.
When I wanted to start my own business and there was a whole database of fears being created in my mind, I had to ask myself if moving past these fears will make me a better person. And the answer was yes.
Trying new foods, starting an exercise routine, learning a new language, traveling across the world and all types of other situations are going to be riddled with fears, but in the end, they will make you a better person. And if that's the case, you want to feel the fear, but do it anyway.
3. Ask yourself: How will I feel when I reach the other side?
When you want to do something new or challenging, start with the end in mind. For me, I try to exercise in some form every single day, but there are days when I really don't feel like it. It's those days when I'm so tired that I would rather do anything than even get up and walk around the block.
So I ask myself: how will I feel after I exercise? The answer is usually "better" or "great." So I focus on the end result and how good I'll feel as motivation to put my tennis shoes on and get out the door.
Once I get going, I always feel better. And this is the same whether I need to knock out a difficult task on my to-do list or cooking at home instead of eating out...I keep the end in mind.
When you're faced with fears, difficulties, time limits or problems, think about how you will feel when you move past those feelings and reach the other side. Then base your decision on the end result, not on the immediate obstacles.
It's "Election Season" here in the United States. And with this season comes lots of people talking bullshit...
I normally stay pretty clear of politics. I figure you're going to vote for whomever you vote for, so why put the energy into the discussion.
Still, there is one aspect of voting that I feel is worth discussing here. It's the "lesser of two evils" concept.
Why would somebody do that?
Forget politics for a second; that was just the segue to the topic. Where this habit really affects you is general life situations.
The "lesser of two evils" is getting married to an asshole because you think an asshole is better than being alone.
The "lesser of two evils" is keeping a job you know you hate, because you're afraid to make the jump to something you might hate.
The "lesser of two evils" is putting out your album/book/manuscript before it's truly done, because you're tired of working on it and "something is better than nothing."
In life, you should vote for what you really want. From the person you date, to the house you live in, to the job you work. A hamburger and a cheeseburger are very similar, but the one you really like tastes so much better than the other.
There was a time in my life when I thought I would be a professional musician. Being from Nashville, I was raised with music and the music business all around me, so unlike a lot of kids, I knew it was an option and I had the resources to make it happen.
When I was a teenager, I subscribed to several guitar-oriented magazines, each with pages of ads in the back of every issue, selling everything from picks, to amps, to guitar instruction. I was always trying to play faster and more complicated pieces, so when I saw an ad for a "finger exerciser," I had to have it.
A couple of weeks later, a package arrived in the mail. I'm not sure how to accurately describe what it contained other than that it was a combination of Velcro rings you attached to your fingers and rubber bands, which provided resistance to work against.
At the time, I was taking weekly guitar lessons. I remember telling my teacher about my new purchase and how it was going to help me become a better player.
I'll never forget his response.
"If you want to get better at playing guitar, play more guitar."
Brilliant.
Forget the theory. Forget the "education" options. The most valuable classroom is the real world and the only true learning happens when you actually do something.
Today was trash day in my neighborhood. As I left my house to head to the studio, I couldn't help but notice how few people had both trash and recycling bins ready to be picked up. For most, it was simply trash.
How difficult is it to put paper, metal cans, and plastic in a green container rather than a brown one?
It's not. If you looked at my street today though, you'd think it was a huge deal.
I'm not posting this to start a conversation about the pros and cons of recycling, but to point out that most things we try to implement in our lives are as simple as this situation-- two bins, right next to each other. It's not much more work, if any, to choose the "green" one, but if you've been using "brown" for years and years, you can convince yourself that it is.
Small changes can yield big results. For example...
If you're trying to get in better shape, using the stairs instead of an elevator.
If you're trying to save more money, putting 5% of your income in the bank, before you even see it.
If you work at McDonald's, asking customers, "Would you like fries with that?"
If you're working on a book, writing 500 words per day.
If you want a better relationship with your spouse, setting up a "date" every week, even if it's just a quick coffee.
Everything is easy when you take it piece by piece.
Or is it procrastination itself? You know, love the sinner, hate the sin...
Regardless, I've been working on new book for the last year. I'm really close to being done, with maybe 10,000 words to go, but as I get closer, I find that I'm running into more resistance.
In short, it's getting harder and harder to write.
Have been working with a business coach for the last year and talked to him about this earlier today. His solution was something called a "punitive nudge."
So I've just written out several $250 checks to Westboro Baptist Church and sent them to him. If I miss a day of writing, he mails one.
It's been two weeks since I got back from Toronto, where spent a few days coming up with a plan to help my efforts to both get more done and downsize.
The plan was to...
Start at 8am
Follow Daily Morning Routine of Yoga and Meditation
Have a Healthy Breakfast
Write on New Book for 60 Minutes
Check Email for 30 Minutes
Take a Break and Eat Lunch
Hit the Gym
Finish Open Projects*
Shut Everything Down by Midnight
*Open projects currently include editing already written manuscripts, marketing stuff (big ideas) for projects that we're currently developing, checking in with project managers, finish producing about 12 audio books we have in the works, and about 12-15 other things, which all involve creative marketing related tasks like writing sales copy and slogans.
How it is coming? Glad you asked!
I've done pretty well about staying on task for continuing to develop our passive streams of income. I'm great when it comes to getting most things done (even if it's eventually) as well as the "big picture" stuff that I can outsource to other people on the team.
Where I fail is actually sitting down to do "important" work, which right now is the book I'm currently writing. That has taken a lot of focus as well as energy, which is one of the reasons I have breaks built on throughout my day.
Obviously there is some procrastination on this particular project and I think it has a lot to do with how important it is. I wouldn't say that there is a lot riding on it, because I'll be fine with or without another successful book, but in many ways, this is the most important book I've ever written, because it's going to contain a good chunk of what I've learned from working in the music business since 1995 and what I feel will allow musicians to prosper in the current environment, which most consider to be very crazy. Plus, there are a lot of people waiting on it.
You would think that knowing a lot of people want what you've got would make a project more exciting to create, but even thought I'm not somebody who feels a lot of pressure regarding most business things, I'm finding that the pressure has affected me more than I would have imagined.
So here is what I'm doing...
I'm focusing on writing daily, putting in as much time as I'm able to give my "best" work, and basically ignoring the release schedule I set for myself. Probably the biggest reason I've had any success with business has been my ability to consistently take little actions, which added up to bigger actions.
Is the writing always great? I'm so close to the project that it's tough to tell, but probably not. Am not worrying about that though. I'll have editors to help me piece everything together. May hire a ghostwriter to tighten things up as well.
The important thing for me is to keep going, trusting that the process will get me the results I want.
NOTE: This is Day 29 of a 30-day writing challenge. As I'm not in charge of the "prompts" I receive to write about, some of the topics discussed during this challenge may not directly have to do with this blog's topic of entrepreneurship. But I'll try to make them fit... :)
"Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What's happening in my life right now is 10x better than anything I imaged 10 years ago. Because of this, it's hard to say where I'll be 10 years from now or what a message from my "future self" would look like.
On one hand, I like to plan, but on the other, I like to leave things open to possibilities. If you hold on too tight to a specific vision, it keeps other things, which might actually be better than what you're putting your focus on, from coming in.
With that said, I think one of the things in a message from my future self would definitley be, "Go big, find the ease, and have fun with it."
NOTE: This is Day 26 of a 30-day writing challenge. As I'm not in charge of the "prompts" I receive to write about, some of the topics discussed during this challenge may not directly have to do with this blog's topic of entrepreneurship. But I'll try to make them fit... :)
"I do not wish to expiate, but to live. My life is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady. I wish it to be sound and sweet, and not to need diet and bleeding." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yesterday, I wrote about one of the concepts I am trying to spread with my new book, which is that small, incremental progress, when you stick with it, will get you big results. When I was younger, I learned this from playing music. As I've gotten older, I've seen it with other aspects of my life such as money (both positive and negative growth, by the way...big debt doesn't usually happen at once) and fitness.
After my first year of college, I moved out of a dorm into a small apartment. In the complex was a guy, probably in his early 30s. I don't know his story, because I never got to know him that well, but I remember saying to my roommate, "In 15 years, I don't want to be that guy."
My business has grown a lot since I started it in 1995. I owe that to the concept of small, incremental progress. Work a little every day, adding to what you did previously, and you end up in a place with a lot of skills, customers, noteriety, money, property, or whatever else it is you focus your energy on.
But what about the stuff I haven't focused my energy on? The main one is probably a quality relationship, which is a good explaination for why I'm not in one right now. :)
So I am "that guy" when it comes to a relationship.
It can happen quite easily. The key is to not do anything.
Doing something, even if you screw it up, is better that doing nothing...as long as you're willing to learn from your mistakes and change up things for your next attempt.
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